Just when I was finishing up my series on my transformation story and getting ready to start a new year, I came around a children’s book called “I am beautiful”. I had just returned from my vacation at a resort where there were lots of gorgeous Russian women, quite rested but with declined self-esteem, despite the fact that I went there in the fittest body I have ever been in my life. As I read about the book, I came face to face with the negative body image, I’ve experienced during my vacation once again.
How you see yourself when you look on the mirror is very different from how you really look or how other people perceive you. I have an ideal image of me I have created in my mind and an exaggerated and crooked version of me against that, nothing in the middle.
My hips and thighs which have been bothering me for years, no matter what I do, still remains a problem for me. Whatever it is that bothers us, for some it is the hips, for some it is the belly and for others it might be the hair or other things, we see those literally under a magnifier. Once we focus on the problem area, all of our accomplishments go down the drain. Whatever is missing (or still excessive), sticks out more and more.
What we see in the mirror has almost nothing to do with the way others see us. Unfortunately I am fighting with the negative body image I see in my mind’s eye. I haven’t found a solution yet. It might be helpful to buy and read the book.
Just because of this, I had an unnecessarily disappointing week. The disappointment turned into not wanting to do anything. And then that feeling made me feel like not working out. Lack of exercising and activity resulted in fatigue and eventually feeling guilty. After being swallowed by this emotional turmoil, I forcefully pulled myself up which seemed to be working for now.
I know I can’t constantly feel good, be motivated and say “I am beautiful”. Life has its ups and downs. Maybe this is hormonal, may be seasonal. I have to learn to pull myself up. I have to get rid of this negative body image. I have to learn to say, ‘I am “beautiful” enough‘ to myself.