The culture we pass on to our kids is so particular that it not only changes from country to country, or region to region but differs even from neighbor to neighbor. From how we dress our kids, what we feed them with, the toys we buy for them, to the things we allow them to do, everyone’s “normal” varies. Still, we expect everyone to be similar. If not, we ferociously judge and criticize them with out looks, manners and words.
I leave this subject to sociologist or parents who have become honorary distinguished professors of sociology after becoming parents. I would like to share a dilemma of mine in this post.
My son has built interest in war games and guns after having attended camps and after school programs and spending time with his peers in his own age group. Even though we do not watch TV at home and do not go to movies with violent content ourselves, let alone taking them, he learned about movies like Transformers and Pacific Rim. He wanted us to buy him a toy gun and take to him to see Transformers and Pacific Rim. Obviously, we did neither.
The biggest reason is I can’t stand guns. It is impossible for me to buy a gun for my child. Even though my husband tries to calm me by saying “I had a gun when I was little but did not turn out to be a psychopath”, I can’t do it.
My son knows very well, how I feel about guns and war games and he knows how to handle me tactfully. He never talks about guns in my presence or ask questions about it. Couple of times, thinking I did not hear him; he went and whispered into his dad’s ear “Don’t let mom hear, this is a gun…”. Over the summers he settles for water guns, and other seasons he makes himself guns out of LEGOs, building toys or cardboard boxes. Not all the time, but in general he is very careful about this subject when I am present.
Our daughter, who is 5, on the other hand, is living her golden age. She is the fashionista daughter of a very simple and boring mother. When she wants to put on nail polish, I let her do it as long as it is a light and sheer color. She claimed some of my nail polish and chap sticks. She has princess costumes and she can wear it anywhere. She wants to put on make-up, which I don’t allow accept for occasional lip stick, which is mostly tinted chapstick.
She has children’s play earrings and the clips always break. She likes my earrings but her ears are not pieced. She wants to get her ears pierced. I know parents, whose daughter’s ears were pierced when little. My parents had my ears pierced when I was seven. I don’t have a problem with my daughter wearing earrings but I don’t have the heart to have her ears pierced. I feel bad for my daughter’s ears getting pierced but yet again my son was circumcised the second day he was born.
Can you see my dilemma? I feel, I am inconsistent with my parenting between my two children.
The comment that was left to my post titled “My Educational Utopia” , which wrote:
“Most of what we learn at schools is forgotten anyways. What is left with us is what we learn from our family. This is the reason why we find more of our mom and dad in us as we grow.“
gave me a sense of relief.
Since my husband didn’t turn out to be a mafia leader with his toy guns and I am not Nicki Minaj, despite my ear piercings at 7, my children still have hope.
Do you ever feel inconsistent about your parenting? Do you ever feel like you have double standards for your kids?